What comes first, Relationship or Sex?

Those days are gone, when we first meet the guy, take two weeks to hold hands, one month to kiss, and after few months of strictly non-sexual romance, we gradually move forward to being physical. Now, it is all about sex. All we seem to care about is deeds and its details. Last month, i read a question by a women on an online dating forum, asking for help because his date hasn’t kissed her on the second date. One of the responses even mentioned the possibility of the man being gay. We measure our relationship status on the level of intensity in sex. One of my friend once told me ‘I will know i love her. only after having sex with her’. Sex is now the ultimate key to ‘find the one’.

We have sex for many reasons, including lust, reliving stress, patching things up or even to remember that person by. These reasons change once we enter into a committed relationship. The number one reason to take things to bed is to convey how much we care about the person, how much we love him. The secondary reason is to stay close to him whereas how good it feels trails to the third place. Relationship changes the definition of sex. As we grow mature, we seems to care about the relationship more even if the sex is weak. This wisdom comes from different experiences and responsible shifts in the priorities. Excellent partnerships doesn’t really implies great sex but surely can increase the possibility of great sex.

It is hard to say where relationship and Sex intersects. There are no rules what comes first. A relationship can fail or succeed either way of course. Its our priorities who decides what we need in our life.

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Defining a relationship

There are about 170000 words in English Language. They add about 1000 entries each year. We have 300 words for a “relationship”. The more words we invent, the harder it becomes to define things. In the world in which you can date without having sex, screw without dating and in the end keep most of your sex partners as friend as long as the screwing is over, What really defines a relationship?

There are two type of men in the dating world. One, who like you, taken you on actual dates, want you to be their girlfriend and lock you down. Other, Who ask you out, who don’t know what they are doing, don’t want to know, screw you over and hop to other. Well if you are looking for a happy relationship, you should loose the second ones as soon as you know they fall in that category.

While, when it comes to defining a relationship it is difficult for the first type of guys as well. Even if he is dying to ask you to date him exclusively, he might have been pulled back by the thought of you responding “Oh already?”. It is incredibly relaxing for a guy to not to handle this topic only by himself. But, Are you interested to make the first relationship move? To ask him straight forwardly to not see other girls. May be you are battling with the same fear of not freaking him out. All you need is a balance and the courage to put it outright. So that you don’t have to say and he don’t have to worry.

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Why do we care too much?

When it comes to our relationship we care too much, well not exactly caring.. Its about stressing. When it comes to our family, we love them, we care about them, its all so natural. whereas in relationships, that care turns into stress.

A true relationship should be the one in which the unfolding of events happens naturally. All we need to do is to feel happy around each other, to be with each other, nothing to think about, nothing to plan, nothing to make happen. God has designed us this way, If we will be attracted.. We naturally be drawn towards each other.

Then Why after two dates we become so obsessed, that we become to analyze them.. we become to analyse their texting habits, their facebook activity. We start spending hours analyzing whether they like us or not. Can we actually know that? no, probably the person doesn’t even know that yet. We end up creating this negative energy in which we see the relationship through our eyes, which hasn’t even happen yet, which may never happen. We write our own endings and draw ourselves towards that. What we need to do is to live in present, loose that fear of loss, that stress which is drawing us towards depression. A relationship is supposed to bring the happiness in the life. So enjoy that despite of stressing over loosing it soon.

A better version

The intial stage of dating someone is quite exciting but fragile. He offered you a drink at the bar. You judged him in a glance.. cute, well maintained, nice shoes.. why not. You talked, exchanged numbers, he called and you met. The amazing first dates, those chills of knowing each other for the first time, never ending conversations and a perfect kiss at the end. You came home and a message pops up on your phone screen from him. 

Now the story starts.. The story of fear, fear of loosing him, which turns us mad actually. The person we don’t want to become. He didn’t reply in 10 minutes, why? Is he busy? Is he acting busy? Is he ignoring me? May be he didn’t like the reply? Do i need to send him another message? Why can’t we think like we do when a friend doesn’t reply for a while. Why can’t we think that he may be busy, he will reply as soon as he will get time.

What does he means by that? Why he asked that? How he will interpret my answer? Did he like what i said? Did he like what i did?

Why it is always more complicated in a relationship rather than friendship. Is it so difficult to act normal. The main question is ‘Is it worth it?’. Is the happiness due to his presence really worth the vulnerablity that entered in your life? Do you really like the person you have become?

A relationship is supposed to bring out the best in you. Ask yourself whether this new you is a better version of you?

With the end entered a new beginning

Well, I am late to state the end of my first tinder experiment. He did call to assure that he will set the time for third date on Sunday. Well the message arrived too but he didn’t, and the worst part I didn’t feel bad. This was the time I knew I have entered to this vicious world of online dating.

We text, flirt, meet, kiss or fuck but are we ready to be in a relationship, or even considering the idea to be in a relationship. Or we are just driven by the infatuation/lust. One of my girl friend once said “I need to have sex on first date to know whether I am going on the second date with him or not.” Sometimes I wonder, whether we are searching for love or a great fuck with a minute possibility of love. We have entered the era where we are so impatient or vulnerable to be physical first even if we want a relationship with the person.

Need for needliness

you feel like you’re in the relationship of your dreams does not necessarily mean he has those, And that lack of neediness for love and lust inevitably puts the man in total control of the relationship – he can’t be thrown off because he gets everything he wants without ever truly putting his heart at risk… She believes that somehow down the line, her love with transform him into the man she sees he was always meant to be… and he’ll realize that he can’t live without her and they’ll be together forever.

All the meanwhile, the guy just treats her like crap, again and again.

She can’t kick him to the curb for acting in a way that she’d normally never tolerate because her feminine desire to nurture this wounded bird back to health is so strong.

Tinder – A social experiment

It was not so easy for me to find the courage to go on a date with an unknown guy (in his car) after three lines of conversation consisting only emoticons. Thanks to tinder, we have become so open to go out with random person judging them only on their looks. I was date-ready in my blue skinny jeans, Deep red lower-neck top, Black boots and classic red lips. He seemed nervous when he welcomed me, but after an hour long conversation about Paris and Parisian life while touring the whole city, we become comfortable. It was watching the city with Parisian eyes. We had a great dinner in a very fancy restaurant. He complemented on my beauty. I smiled. Our thinking matched, we both were in favor of preserving our own cultures. We had similar thoughts on Love; we have to work on it, everyday. He admitted to be an emotional person, attached to family with Italian roots. I could imagine myself staring at him while he keeps on talking. Everything was falling on the right place. The prospects were promising. After dinner, We went to Montmarte to enjoy the bird’s eye view of Paris in night. And then we headed to my place. He asked my number, I dropped him a message. We reached, the moment stopped. He said “I know this is not the right place of me to ask but I like you so much, can I kiss you?” I was hoping something like that. I touched his cheek with my trembling hand and a helpless face. His lips touched mine, we made out like we belonged together. He started caressing my breasts, I can still feel the chills. I did not want either of us to stop and he wanted more. I came in to my senses; we were in the middle of the road. I told him I need to go, but we were inseparable.  Finally I left with a heavy heart and a promise of a second date next day. I messaged him as soon as i reached to my room. He was all over my mind. Well, I did not sleep the whole night.

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